Fandom: Primeval
Characters: Becker, Emily, with A/B/C and Emily/Matt references, a smidge of Becker/Jess and a brief appearance from Matt, Jess, Abby and Connor.
Story: Open Secrets
Rating: PG
Warnings/Spoilers: Set during the last bits of 5x04, with spoilers up through that.
Author's Note: Follows Family Values. This is the last of the angstfests for now. Porn ahoy!
Summary: Becker and Emily take Jess home, and find that they each have a few secrets to confess.
Open Secrets
“I’m fine, really. I’m perfectly capable of—“ Jess wobbled a little on her absurd heels, leaning against Matt and Emily as the elevator doors opened and they made their way back toward the Hub. Abby and Connor followed—hovering close to each other, but not speaking.
“Right. Thanks, Minker.” Becker ended his call and rushed over to them, taking over for Matt in helping Jess along.
“You are most definitely not fine, Jess,” Emily scolded her, slipping a steadying arm around her waist. “We need to get you home.” She looked up at Matt.
“I agree. In fact, consider that an order. Home.” His tone was stern.
Jess narrowed her eyes. “Matt! I still have to get the Hub back up, and what if there’s another anomaly call, and…” she heaved a deep breath.
A throat was cleared behind them. “I could… I mean, it’s still basically my system anyway.”
Becker glanced back. Connor was pale and shaky himself, but in his case, it was for entirely different reasons than a bad reaction to an insect bite. He looked away, not quite able to meet Becker’s eye.
“That sounds like a good idea.” Matt nodded, patting Connor’s shoulder in a way that seemed designed to reassure him that he was still part of the team. Connor looked up and smiled a little, apparently grateful for the gesture. “So, you go do that. Abby, you need to check on the menagerie. Becker, contact the rest of the staff and get them back here to help with the cleanup job, and I’ll talk to Lester.” Matt smiled warmly at Emily. “Get her home and keep an eye on her. I’ll call you later.”
Emily stopped short and stared at him. “Get her home?”
“Yeah?” Matt looked at her as if she’d grown another head. Then a look of recognition crossed his face. “Oh. Right.” He smiled sheepishly.
Emily grinned at him. “Your confidence in me is flattering, Matt, but I’m not sure one driving lesson is quite enough.”
“Yes, that’s probably true.” Matt winked, then bit his lip, thinking.
Becker tensed as Jess sagged against him. “Matt, I can go. I can take them both. I’ve already contacted Minker and Allen, and I can make a couple more calls on the way.”
Matt nodded. “OK, that works. Thanks, Becker. I owe you one.”
“You always owe me one,” he teased.
An impatient chirrup from Rex made him turn. Abby was still standing there, toting the carrier, and just out of reach of Connor. He gazed at them, wishing he could just spirit them both back home, and get everything properly sorted. Other duties, however, called.
Abby seemed to read his mind. “We’ll be fine,” she said, her voice a little ragged, but confident. She glanced over at Connor. “Won’t we?”
Connor finally looked at her, though he seemed reluctant to do so. “Yeah. We will,” he said with a weak smile. He looked back over at Becker. “See you later?” He sounded hopeful.
Becker nodded and smiled gently. “Yes. Absolutely.” Jess squeezed his arm, and he looked down at her. Though she still looked a bit woozy, she also sported a giddy, knowing grin.
***
“She’s asleep.” Emily emerged from the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind her. “And her breathing is just fine.”
Becker sighed in relief. “Good. I was worried about her.”
“We all were.” She sat down on the sofa next to him. “It’s been…” She shook her head.
“It has,” he agreed, and stood up. “Anyway, if you’re good for now, I should get going. Get back to the ARC and help the team get things properly sorted there. Matt’s picking you up here later, right?”
“He is.” She nodded. “But, Becker?” She reached for his wrist.
He stopped and turned, confused. “Yes?”
“Can you stay here for just a little longer? I’d like to talk to you, if that’s all right.”
He frowned at her in confusion, but sat back down. “Sure. What’s on your mind?”
“It’s about Matt,” she began slowly, “and what happened today. Well, what’s still happening, with Connor and Philip and Connor’s anomaly.”
His jaw tensed.
“You’ve been kept in the dark on all this, and it’s not fair. I’ve been wanting Matt to tell you, but he won’t. He keeps saying you wouldn’t understand.”
“Right. I got that much from Abby,” he grumbled.
“Abby?” She looked up at him, confused. “What did she tell you? And why?”
He flushed--he'd almost said too much. “Well, ah, that’s kind of a complicated story, but I know the gist of what’s happening. Matt’s worried about Connor’s…project… going awry. Well, worse than what happened today, I imagine. And he’s been asking Abby’s help on this.”
“Yes, that’s it," Emily acknowledged. "But… do you know exactly why Matt’s worried?”
Becker cocked his head. “I hadn’t thought about it, I guess.”
She took a deep breath and looked down as she knotted her fingers together. “Well, it’s not just speculation. He knows something’s going to happen. Something very bad.”
“Knows? How?”
She looked back up. “He’s not from your time, Becker.”
“He’s… Come again?” He stared at her, utterly bewildered for a moment.
“I’m not the only one who wasn't born in this time, although Matt came here on purpose. Life as he knew it is basically gone. He came here to try to change that.”
“The future. Matt’s from the future.” It all made so much sense, now that he thought about it. “But, wait. Why wasn’t I told about this before?” A sudden flash of anger rose in him, as he realised exactly how far out of his control the situation really was.
Emily lay a gentle hand on his arm. “He couldn’t risk telling anyone. He didn't know who was responsible for the catastrophe--only that it had happened. He couldn't be honest because he couldn’t risk it getting back to whoever was involved in this. He originally thought Ethan was the cause, but then when Connor started working with Philip, he figured out there must have been a connection there. He only told me because he didn’t think it was possible I’d be involved, and Abby figured it out before he’d said anything. No one else knows, yet.”
"Abby knew..." He tried to stay calm, but couldn't help feeling a little betrayed, even though he understood her reasoning. Still, he was a little confused. “So why are you telling me this now?”
“He said I could. Asked me to, actually. He knew he wouldn’t have a chance to tell you himself in all the chaos, but he said he’s decided that there have been enough secrets on the team, and it’s time it all came to light. It’s time we were all open and honest with each other. About everything.”
“Open, right." He shifted uncomfortably. As angry as he was that so much had been kept from him, he had to acknowledge that he had his own culpability on that count. Although, under the day’s circumstances, staying quiet about his unusual relationship now seemed quite petty. He glanced over at the closed bedroom door and felt a pang of guilt. Expecting Jess to keep their trail covered all this time was quite unfair to her. Maybe it was finally time...
Emily caught the direction of his gaze, and changed the subject. “She likes you.”
Becked squirmed at her significant smile. “Um. Yeah. I know.”
“But you don’t feel the same way, do you?”
He sighed, looking at the floor. “It’s not quite like that. I adore Jess. When I thought we were going to lose her, I just…” he shuddered. “She’s honestly one of my dearest friends, and she's lovely." His jaw tensed. He ran a hand through his hair, and thought carefully, trying to figure out how to explain it in a way that a woman from 150 years ago might understand.
She scanned his face, trying to figure it out. “Are you…differently inclined?”
He looked up, staring at her in shock. “What?” Then, he got it. He laughed, despite himself. “No, that's not it. Well, actually, yes, I am, sort of. But it’s more complicated than that.”
She raised an eyebrow.
He wavered a little, still trying to find the right explanation.
She turned. “Nevermind. If this is none of my business, just pretend I didn’t ask.”
He shook his head. “No, it’s fine. Just… I’m already involved with someone. Um. Two someones, actually.” He drew a deep breath. “We live together. The three of us. Abby and Connor. And me.”
“All of you?”
He nodded. “One bed.”
She looked puzzled for a moment. Then her face lit up with sudden understanding. “Oh! I see. Well, then! That certainly does explain some things.”
He had to smile. “I imagine it does. You don’t seem shocked, though.”
“Why would I be?” She stared at him.
“I figure that sort of thing wouldn’t have even been talked about in…” He waved a hand.
“Oh, I see. So, since I was born in 1840, I’m entirely unaware of anything that might go on under the starched skirts of my time?” She rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Becker. From what you know of me, do you truly think I’m easily scandalized?”
He laughed. “No, I suppose not.”
“Between my father letting me run wild in his library and the assortment of people I used to travel with, I’m sure I’ve at least heard of it all. So you needn’t have worried. About me, at least.” She eyed him carefully. “You’ve not told anyone else though, have you?”
He shook his head. “Not really, no. Jess figured it out herself, and I have a feeling Matt might know. But aside from a few of the men on my team--old friends of mine--no-one else knows.”
“Why not? Just because it’s something personal?”
“Maybe. My family’s not terribly candid about private-life issues, so there’s that.” He shrugged. “But… I’m not sure, really. The weird factor is part of it. It is a bit odd, even for the 21st century. There are still some people who’d have a problem just with the me-and-Connor part, to say nothing of the rest of it. Though, it’s not like we’d lose our jobs or anything. I’ve also kind of been concerned about Philip finding out, because it just seemed like something he shouldn’t know. Beyond that, though? I just don’t know. I guess somehow I just didn’t want people knowing how I feel about the two of them? Something like that.”
She frowned. “That doesn’t quite make sense, though. Unless…” Her eyes narrowed in contemplation. “Maybe it’s not about them, specifically. Maybe it’s how you feel about anyone at all?”
“What?” He met her curious gaze.
“Perhaps you’re using your relationship’s…unconventional…nature as an excuse to keep from admitting you care about something other than guns and protocol.”
His cheeks suddenly went hot, and he looked away.
“I don’t know you as well as I’d like, Becker, but I know your type,” she said calmly. “People like you are afraid that if you show any tender emotions, it means you’re weak.”
“I’m not weak!“
“No, you’re not. That’s the point.” She stilled him. “Yes, some people might think that, but not the ones who matter. You don’t think that of anyone else, right?”
He shook his head. “No, of course not. But it’s different for me. I have to be strong for the team. They have to be able to trust me.” He huffed a frustrated sigh.
"And if people know you're in a loving relationship, that will somehow magically make you less trustworthy?" She raised an eyebrow.
When she put it that way, it sounded absurd. But he still couldn't let go of the worry.
“Becker,” she said quietly, taking his hand. “Jess told me about your history--about how many people were lost. She said you’ve tried to be stoic since then, and just play by the rules. She told me how you almost left Matt and I stranded back with the tree creepers.”
He squirmed in embarrassment.
“But shutting down like that won’t actually keep anyone safe—no matter what your military training told you. Think about it: if it hadn’t been for you caring about her, would you have taken those risks today to save Jess?”
His breath caught in his chest. “Probably not. No.”
“You see?” She squeezed his hand. “I'm sure that when you’re alone with them, you give Abby and Connor all the love you possibly can. They don't think that makes you weak, right?"
"Well, yeah. Right."
"So is there really anything wrong with other people knowing about that, too? Yes, it’s unusual, and I’m sure there would be some schoolboy jokes about it all, but once people have got that out of their systems, I think they’ll actually respect you more for being honest about who you are and what matters to you. It takes a very brave person indeed to show that kind of confidence, and to be proud of who they love.”
He went quiet for a moment as he considered her words. The thought of facing others with this—especially Lester, who would no doubt decline to hear anything about any of his staff’s personal life at all—still made him nervous. But what Emily was saying made sense. “You might be right,” he finally admitted. “Maybe I’ll… maybe I’ll at least talk to Abby and Connor about it. Find out what they think.”
“That sounds like a splendid plan to me.” She nodded, and patted his hand.
“Of course,” he said, growing serious again, “I hope I even get that chance. With everything else that’s—“ He was interrupted by the buzz and chirp of Emily’s phone.
“Matt,” she said, after a glance at it. He nodded at her, and she took the call, still fascinated enough by the device itself to be giddy about using it.
As she spoke with Matt, making arrangements to be picked up, Becker got up and wandered around the flat. He’d been here only once before, and had never really had a look at it. It seemed un-Jess-like in some ways, and yet there were touches here and there that were undoubtedly her. He paused at a framed photo on one wall: She was dressed as some sort of anime character—though he’d never have known which one—and looked utterly adorable. Again, he had just a brief flash of what it might be like if he had made a different choice. It would be so easy, he thought, to just take her up on her crush, and live a conventional life. Well, as conventional as it might be with a girl who dressed like that on occasion.
Then, out of the corner of his eye, he spied another photo on a shelf nearby: Abby and Connor, not long after their return. Jess had apparently caught them in the bathroom, in the middle of taking off Connor’s Cretaceous-grown wiry scruff. Connor being Connor, he’d got Abby’s face nearly as full of shaving foam as his own. They both looked ridiculous, and Abby looked slightly exasperated. Yet she also had a look of deep love and adoration in her eyes as she gazed at her mate. The look was familiar and comforting, not just because it reminded him of happier times between the two of them, but because she’d looked at him the same way, too. And so had Connor.
With a sharp surge in his chest, he knew: strange, difficult and sometimes painful as it was, there was no going back, now. If they could somehow hold it together for just a couple more days—assuming they weren’t all sucked into some sort of anomaly related black hole—it would all be right again. It had to be. He could feel that the dam had broken today; all that was left now was just hanging on until the floodwaters had passed.
Emily finished her call and came up behind him. “Matt’s on his way. He also said Abby wanted you to know she and Connor were heading home, and getting takeaway.”
He laughed just a little. Matt apparently did know already.
“I can see why,” she said, nodding at the photo.
“Why what?” He turned to look at her.
“Why you love them. If I were in your position, I’d probably feel the same.” She smiled up at him and lay a hand on his arm.
He returned the smile and patted her hand. “Would you, now?”
She nodded. “Love is a rare gift, Becker. You’ve been incredibly lucky to have found something so precious in a life like this. You shouldn't be ashamed of how you feel.” She went quiet, and leaned into him a little.
He put an arm around her shoulders, giving her the friendly comfort she sought, and considered the pain she'd gone through. Married off to that wretched man, adrift in time… And now trying to find her footing in a world so far advanced beyond her own, with a man who himself didn’t quite belong here, either. All things considered, perhaps it wasn’t so strange and difficult after all to merely be in love with two people with whom he at least shared a cultural history.
After a moment’s cuddling, he pulled back a little. “I should probably get going,” he said, giving her another warm pat.
“Yes.” She sighed a little, seeming to miss his company already. “I suppose the ARC is waiting for your return.”
“No.” He shook his head and smiled at her. “My partners are.”
--End--
Characters: Becker, Emily, with A/B/C and Emily/Matt references, a smidge of Becker/Jess and a brief appearance from Matt, Jess, Abby and Connor.
Story: Open Secrets
Rating: PG
Warnings/Spoilers: Set during the last bits of 5x04, with spoilers up through that.
Author's Note: Follows Family Values. This is the last of the angstfests for now. Porn ahoy!
Summary: Becker and Emily take Jess home, and find that they each have a few secrets to confess.
Open Secrets
“I’m fine, really. I’m perfectly capable of—“ Jess wobbled a little on her absurd heels, leaning against Matt and Emily as the elevator doors opened and they made their way back toward the Hub. Abby and Connor followed—hovering close to each other, but not speaking.
“Right. Thanks, Minker.” Becker ended his call and rushed over to them, taking over for Matt in helping Jess along.
“You are most definitely not fine, Jess,” Emily scolded her, slipping a steadying arm around her waist. “We need to get you home.” She looked up at Matt.
“I agree. In fact, consider that an order. Home.” His tone was stern.
Jess narrowed her eyes. “Matt! I still have to get the Hub back up, and what if there’s another anomaly call, and…” she heaved a deep breath.
A throat was cleared behind them. “I could… I mean, it’s still basically my system anyway.”
Becker glanced back. Connor was pale and shaky himself, but in his case, it was for entirely different reasons than a bad reaction to an insect bite. He looked away, not quite able to meet Becker’s eye.
“That sounds like a good idea.” Matt nodded, patting Connor’s shoulder in a way that seemed designed to reassure him that he was still part of the team. Connor looked up and smiled a little, apparently grateful for the gesture. “So, you go do that. Abby, you need to check on the menagerie. Becker, contact the rest of the staff and get them back here to help with the cleanup job, and I’ll talk to Lester.” Matt smiled warmly at Emily. “Get her home and keep an eye on her. I’ll call you later.”
Emily stopped short and stared at him. “Get her home?”
“Yeah?” Matt looked at her as if she’d grown another head. Then a look of recognition crossed his face. “Oh. Right.” He smiled sheepishly.
Emily grinned at him. “Your confidence in me is flattering, Matt, but I’m not sure one driving lesson is quite enough.”
“Yes, that’s probably true.” Matt winked, then bit his lip, thinking.
Becker tensed as Jess sagged against him. “Matt, I can go. I can take them both. I’ve already contacted Minker and Allen, and I can make a couple more calls on the way.”
Matt nodded. “OK, that works. Thanks, Becker. I owe you one.”
“You always owe me one,” he teased.
An impatient chirrup from Rex made him turn. Abby was still standing there, toting the carrier, and just out of reach of Connor. He gazed at them, wishing he could just spirit them both back home, and get everything properly sorted. Other duties, however, called.
Abby seemed to read his mind. “We’ll be fine,” she said, her voice a little ragged, but confident. She glanced over at Connor. “Won’t we?”
Connor finally looked at her, though he seemed reluctant to do so. “Yeah. We will,” he said with a weak smile. He looked back over at Becker. “See you later?” He sounded hopeful.
Becker nodded and smiled gently. “Yes. Absolutely.” Jess squeezed his arm, and he looked down at her. Though she still looked a bit woozy, she also sported a giddy, knowing grin.
***
“She’s asleep.” Emily emerged from the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind her. “And her breathing is just fine.”
Becker sighed in relief. “Good. I was worried about her.”
“We all were.” She sat down on the sofa next to him. “It’s been…” She shook her head.
“It has,” he agreed, and stood up. “Anyway, if you’re good for now, I should get going. Get back to the ARC and help the team get things properly sorted there. Matt’s picking you up here later, right?”
“He is.” She nodded. “But, Becker?” She reached for his wrist.
He stopped and turned, confused. “Yes?”
“Can you stay here for just a little longer? I’d like to talk to you, if that’s all right.”
He frowned at her in confusion, but sat back down. “Sure. What’s on your mind?”
“It’s about Matt,” she began slowly, “and what happened today. Well, what’s still happening, with Connor and Philip and Connor’s anomaly.”
His jaw tensed.
“You’ve been kept in the dark on all this, and it’s not fair. I’ve been wanting Matt to tell you, but he won’t. He keeps saying you wouldn’t understand.”
“Right. I got that much from Abby,” he grumbled.
“Abby?” She looked up at him, confused. “What did she tell you? And why?”
He flushed--he'd almost said too much. “Well, ah, that’s kind of a complicated story, but I know the gist of what’s happening. Matt’s worried about Connor’s…project… going awry. Well, worse than what happened today, I imagine. And he’s been asking Abby’s help on this.”
“Yes, that’s it," Emily acknowledged. "But… do you know exactly why Matt’s worried?”
Becker cocked his head. “I hadn’t thought about it, I guess.”
She took a deep breath and looked down as she knotted her fingers together. “Well, it’s not just speculation. He knows something’s going to happen. Something very bad.”
“Knows? How?”
She looked back up. “He’s not from your time, Becker.”
“He’s… Come again?” He stared at her, utterly bewildered for a moment.
“I’m not the only one who wasn't born in this time, although Matt came here on purpose. Life as he knew it is basically gone. He came here to try to change that.”
“The future. Matt’s from the future.” It all made so much sense, now that he thought about it. “But, wait. Why wasn’t I told about this before?” A sudden flash of anger rose in him, as he realised exactly how far out of his control the situation really was.
Emily lay a gentle hand on his arm. “He couldn’t risk telling anyone. He didn't know who was responsible for the catastrophe--only that it had happened. He couldn't be honest because he couldn’t risk it getting back to whoever was involved in this. He originally thought Ethan was the cause, but then when Connor started working with Philip, he figured out there must have been a connection there. He only told me because he didn’t think it was possible I’d be involved, and Abby figured it out before he’d said anything. No one else knows, yet.”
"Abby knew..." He tried to stay calm, but couldn't help feeling a little betrayed, even though he understood her reasoning. Still, he was a little confused. “So why are you telling me this now?”
“He said I could. Asked me to, actually. He knew he wouldn’t have a chance to tell you himself in all the chaos, but he said he’s decided that there have been enough secrets on the team, and it’s time it all came to light. It’s time we were all open and honest with each other. About everything.”
“Open, right." He shifted uncomfortably. As angry as he was that so much had been kept from him, he had to acknowledge that he had his own culpability on that count. Although, under the day’s circumstances, staying quiet about his unusual relationship now seemed quite petty. He glanced over at the closed bedroom door and felt a pang of guilt. Expecting Jess to keep their trail covered all this time was quite unfair to her. Maybe it was finally time...
Emily caught the direction of his gaze, and changed the subject. “She likes you.”
Becked squirmed at her significant smile. “Um. Yeah. I know.”
“But you don’t feel the same way, do you?”
He sighed, looking at the floor. “It’s not quite like that. I adore Jess. When I thought we were going to lose her, I just…” he shuddered. “She’s honestly one of my dearest friends, and she's lovely." His jaw tensed. He ran a hand through his hair, and thought carefully, trying to figure out how to explain it in a way that a woman from 150 years ago might understand.
She scanned his face, trying to figure it out. “Are you…differently inclined?”
He looked up, staring at her in shock. “What?” Then, he got it. He laughed, despite himself. “No, that's not it. Well, actually, yes, I am, sort of. But it’s more complicated than that.”
She raised an eyebrow.
He wavered a little, still trying to find the right explanation.
She turned. “Nevermind. If this is none of my business, just pretend I didn’t ask.”
He shook his head. “No, it’s fine. Just… I’m already involved with someone. Um. Two someones, actually.” He drew a deep breath. “We live together. The three of us. Abby and Connor. And me.”
“All of you?”
He nodded. “One bed.”
She looked puzzled for a moment. Then her face lit up with sudden understanding. “Oh! I see. Well, then! That certainly does explain some things.”
He had to smile. “I imagine it does. You don’t seem shocked, though.”
“Why would I be?” She stared at him.
“I figure that sort of thing wouldn’t have even been talked about in…” He waved a hand.
“Oh, I see. So, since I was born in 1840, I’m entirely unaware of anything that might go on under the starched skirts of my time?” She rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Becker. From what you know of me, do you truly think I’m easily scandalized?”
He laughed. “No, I suppose not.”
“Between my father letting me run wild in his library and the assortment of people I used to travel with, I’m sure I’ve at least heard of it all. So you needn’t have worried. About me, at least.” She eyed him carefully. “You’ve not told anyone else though, have you?”
He shook his head. “Not really, no. Jess figured it out herself, and I have a feeling Matt might know. But aside from a few of the men on my team--old friends of mine--no-one else knows.”
“Why not? Just because it’s something personal?”
“Maybe. My family’s not terribly candid about private-life issues, so there’s that.” He shrugged. “But… I’m not sure, really. The weird factor is part of it. It is a bit odd, even for the 21st century. There are still some people who’d have a problem just with the me-and-Connor part, to say nothing of the rest of it. Though, it’s not like we’d lose our jobs or anything. I’ve also kind of been concerned about Philip finding out, because it just seemed like something he shouldn’t know. Beyond that, though? I just don’t know. I guess somehow I just didn’t want people knowing how I feel about the two of them? Something like that.”
She frowned. “That doesn’t quite make sense, though. Unless…” Her eyes narrowed in contemplation. “Maybe it’s not about them, specifically. Maybe it’s how you feel about anyone at all?”
“What?” He met her curious gaze.
“Perhaps you’re using your relationship’s…unconventional…nature as an excuse to keep from admitting you care about something other than guns and protocol.”
His cheeks suddenly went hot, and he looked away.
“I don’t know you as well as I’d like, Becker, but I know your type,” she said calmly. “People like you are afraid that if you show any tender emotions, it means you’re weak.”
“I’m not weak!“
“No, you’re not. That’s the point.” She stilled him. “Yes, some people might think that, but not the ones who matter. You don’t think that of anyone else, right?”
He shook his head. “No, of course not. But it’s different for me. I have to be strong for the team. They have to be able to trust me.” He huffed a frustrated sigh.
"And if people know you're in a loving relationship, that will somehow magically make you less trustworthy?" She raised an eyebrow.
When she put it that way, it sounded absurd. But he still couldn't let go of the worry.
“Becker,” she said quietly, taking his hand. “Jess told me about your history--about how many people were lost. She said you’ve tried to be stoic since then, and just play by the rules. She told me how you almost left Matt and I stranded back with the tree creepers.”
He squirmed in embarrassment.
“But shutting down like that won’t actually keep anyone safe—no matter what your military training told you. Think about it: if it hadn’t been for you caring about her, would you have taken those risks today to save Jess?”
His breath caught in his chest. “Probably not. No.”
“You see?” She squeezed his hand. “I'm sure that when you’re alone with them, you give Abby and Connor all the love you possibly can. They don't think that makes you weak, right?"
"Well, yeah. Right."
"So is there really anything wrong with other people knowing about that, too? Yes, it’s unusual, and I’m sure there would be some schoolboy jokes about it all, but once people have got that out of their systems, I think they’ll actually respect you more for being honest about who you are and what matters to you. It takes a very brave person indeed to show that kind of confidence, and to be proud of who they love.”
He went quiet for a moment as he considered her words. The thought of facing others with this—especially Lester, who would no doubt decline to hear anything about any of his staff’s personal life at all—still made him nervous. But what Emily was saying made sense. “You might be right,” he finally admitted. “Maybe I’ll… maybe I’ll at least talk to Abby and Connor about it. Find out what they think.”
“That sounds like a splendid plan to me.” She nodded, and patted his hand.
“Of course,” he said, growing serious again, “I hope I even get that chance. With everything else that’s—“ He was interrupted by the buzz and chirp of Emily’s phone.
“Matt,” she said, after a glance at it. He nodded at her, and she took the call, still fascinated enough by the device itself to be giddy about using it.
As she spoke with Matt, making arrangements to be picked up, Becker got up and wandered around the flat. He’d been here only once before, and had never really had a look at it. It seemed un-Jess-like in some ways, and yet there were touches here and there that were undoubtedly her. He paused at a framed photo on one wall: She was dressed as some sort of anime character—though he’d never have known which one—and looked utterly adorable. Again, he had just a brief flash of what it might be like if he had made a different choice. It would be so easy, he thought, to just take her up on her crush, and live a conventional life. Well, as conventional as it might be with a girl who dressed like that on occasion.
Then, out of the corner of his eye, he spied another photo on a shelf nearby: Abby and Connor, not long after their return. Jess had apparently caught them in the bathroom, in the middle of taking off Connor’s Cretaceous-grown wiry scruff. Connor being Connor, he’d got Abby’s face nearly as full of shaving foam as his own. They both looked ridiculous, and Abby looked slightly exasperated. Yet she also had a look of deep love and adoration in her eyes as she gazed at her mate. The look was familiar and comforting, not just because it reminded him of happier times between the two of them, but because she’d looked at him the same way, too. And so had Connor.
With a sharp surge in his chest, he knew: strange, difficult and sometimes painful as it was, there was no going back, now. If they could somehow hold it together for just a couple more days—assuming they weren’t all sucked into some sort of anomaly related black hole—it would all be right again. It had to be. He could feel that the dam had broken today; all that was left now was just hanging on until the floodwaters had passed.
Emily finished her call and came up behind him. “Matt’s on his way. He also said Abby wanted you to know she and Connor were heading home, and getting takeaway.”
He laughed just a little. Matt apparently did know already.
“I can see why,” she said, nodding at the photo.
“Why what?” He turned to look at her.
“Why you love them. If I were in your position, I’d probably feel the same.” She smiled up at him and lay a hand on his arm.
He returned the smile and patted her hand. “Would you, now?”
She nodded. “Love is a rare gift, Becker. You’ve been incredibly lucky to have found something so precious in a life like this. You shouldn't be ashamed of how you feel.” She went quiet, and leaned into him a little.
He put an arm around her shoulders, giving her the friendly comfort she sought, and considered the pain she'd gone through. Married off to that wretched man, adrift in time… And now trying to find her footing in a world so far advanced beyond her own, with a man who himself didn’t quite belong here, either. All things considered, perhaps it wasn’t so strange and difficult after all to merely be in love with two people with whom he at least shared a cultural history.
After a moment’s cuddling, he pulled back a little. “I should probably get going,” he said, giving her another warm pat.
“Yes.” She sighed a little, seeming to miss his company already. “I suppose the ARC is waiting for your return.”
“No.” He shook his head and smiled at her. “My partners are.”
--End--